Tag: Recovery

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Tetelestai Recovery

Transcending Addiction: A Progressive Approach

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The Tetelestai Recovery Series is a collection of faith-based recovery books written by Marc and Lori Ridenour, based on their own experience with alcoholism and drug addiction. Rooted in the biblical declaration “It is finished” (John 19:30), the series offers a faith-based approach to finding lasting freedom from addiction and the emotional wreckage that accompanies it. 

Available in Paperback, Kindle, and Audiobook formats.

Volume 1: Tetelestai Recovery: It is Finished
Introduces the core concepts of the series. It targets suffering addicts, chronic relapsers, and their loved ones. The authors provide evidence of permanent sobriety by focusing on Christ’s ultimate healing rather than the traditional life-long struggle.

You can browse this volume on Amazon.

Volume 2: Our New Normal
Focuses on the often awkward and overwhelming early stages of sobriety. This book guides readers through identifying and resolving emotional and social dysfunctions, helping them navigate fears and resentments.

https://a.co/d/04079fyX

Volume 3: Leveling Up
A lifeline designed to assist individuals in achieving long-term, lasting victory over any addiction to reach their full potential. 

https://a.co/d/06VM8Qz1

Tetelestai Recovery

Break Free from Dark Thought Cycles

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The trajectory of our future is altered by our thoughts when we base them on the perceived realities that swirl around in our brains unchecked. We may hate our pessimism and suspicion, but we can’t break out of the cycle. We may despise our long dreary days of dark thought spirals, but we can’t seem to stop them once they start.

We think about what people were saying about us behind our backs. We wonder if they really wish we weren’t around. We suspect we are going to be fired, dumped, rejected, or abandoned. We replay old conversations, trying to read between the lines so we can better prepare for a number of worst-case scenarios that are likely to befall us.

It has been said that a coward dies a thousand times, a brave man, only once.

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Our thoughts create the reality we live in, whether they align with the truth or not.

To level up, we must develop healthy thought patterns and discipline our minds to stay on a positive track. We can no longer allow our thoughts to wander aimlessly through the minefield of our worst imaginations. We must carve new pathways for our thoughts to travel. We need to keep our thoughts on the high road and pump the brakes when we are headed for the ditch.

But how?

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Glowing maze in the silhouette of a human head on dark background
Tetelestai Recovery

Rerouting Your Brain: Overcoming Circular Thinking Patterns

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“Be very careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

To level up, we must evaluate the quality of our thoughts. There are established neuropathways in our brains that need to be rerouted. We do not wish to remain stuck in circular thought processes, like mental roundabouts, which have no outlet or resolution.

When suspicious thoughts come to mind, after an encounter with someone we don’t trust, we go into self-preservation mode and begin analyzing all the things they said or did that just don’t add up. We evaluate our observations to confirm our suspicions. We are angry that they think we can be so easily manipulated. We contemplate ways we can call it out and let them know we are onto them.

Our mental trails lead us into darkened paths, where we get tangled in the weeds of irritation and resentment. We are offended and angered by such a lack of respect. We vow to be more defiant and difficult, to prevent ourselves from being underestimated again.

By the time we cycle through the process described in the last two paragraphs, several hours have passed and we find ourselves in a depressive state of mind. The series of events that triggered the entire process are irrelevant. Our thoughts, fears, and imaginations merged into a twisted reality that we forced ourselves to endure.

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Split image showing a happy woman hiking with 'YES Paths and Possibilities' and a sad woman sitting with 'NO Hesitation and Regret'
Tetelestai Recovery

Understanding the Power of Yes and No

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Split image showing a happy woman hiking with 'YES Paths and Possibilities' and a sad woman sitting with 'NO Hesitation and Regret'

As we level up, we begin to view every decision as both a yes and a no. Every yes carries an implied no, and every no carries an indirect yes. 

  • If we say yes to the blue shirt, we are also saying no to the red one.
  • If we say yes to a shower, we are also saying no to bad hygiene.
  • If we say yes to watching TV, we are also saying no to going outside.
  • If we say yes to healthy habits, we are saying no to junk food and laziness. We are also saying no to medical problems and poor self-image.
  • If we say yes to wasting time at work, or stealing from our employer, we are saying no to a clean conscience and integrity. As a result, we will develop resentment toward our boss to help alleviate our guilt.
  • If we say no to flirtations from a co-worker, we are saying yes to the trust and respect of our spouse.
  • If we say yes to gratitude, we are saying no to discontentment.
  • If we say yes to good manners, we are saying no to boorish behavior.

If we say yes to forgiveness, we are saying no to the weight of being easily offended, resulting in freedom and peace of mind.

 

Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.  Matthew 5:37

For every yes, there is a no; and for every no, there is a yes. As we level up, we become aware of our personal guardrails and use good judgement concerning what to accept and what to reject.

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Land Rover driving through muddy off-road trail during sunset
Tetelestai Recovery

Mastering Personal Growth Through Mindful Decisions

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Land Rover driving through muddy off-road trail during sunset

Just as potholes, ruts, mud, and carelessness are a bad combination when driving on muddy country roads, relationships and personal growth can also be messy, so we can’t afford to be careless with our decisions. We might not be able to control the storms of life, but we can control our focus and reaction.

When driving on a muddy road, we need to be precise in our movements, grasping the steering wheel securely, scanning the horizon, watching for standing water, and making conscious, deliberate adjustments to speed and direction. And above all else, never get too close to the edge.

As we level up in our new normal, we must adopt that same type of mindset with our life choices as we do for driving flooded roads. Our decisions and actions need to be precisely calculated to achieve the results we want. Just as it would be foolish to walk carelessly along the edge of a ravine, it is also foolish to see how close we can get to temptation without giving in.  

To level up, we must acknowledge that every action starts with a choice. And every choice carries two equal and opposite decisions. In other words, every choice carries both a yes and a no decision.

If we say yes to sobriety, we say no to chaos and destruction. And visa-versa. If we say yes to a drink or drug, we say no to hope and sanity. When we say yes to thinking about our choices, we say no to making the same dumb decisions, expecting different results.

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Dining table with Christmas decorations, wine bottles, glasses, and place settings
Tetelestai Recovery

Navigating Emotional Turmoil in Family Relationships

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We find that nothing spotlights our dysfunctions quite so vividly as when family shows up to help! Granted, it is a blessing to have family who care enough to show up, but we also know the risk. For those of us, whose tendency is to shut down emotionally when family dynamics are in play, our emotions become glitchy and start to malfunction. We say the wrong thing, blurt out secrets, wear the wrong clothes, belong to the wrong social groups, and vote for the wrong candidate.

It has been said that family is everything. Families can teach us about loyalty, behavior, and self-preservation. They can teach us work ethics and responsibility. Families also teach us how to be manipulative, sarcastic, and selfish. All families have their own layers of drama, chaos, and distrust.

Some families are quite ordinary. Some families are quite extraordinary. All families have dysfunctions, traditions, trauma, and mixed messages.

Family members know too much about each other and the history they all share. Family can push our buttons like no one else. Family can make us feel included or rejected; loved or despised; powerful or weak. Although family dynamics are messy, they are God’s plan for a place to start. Unfortunately, each generation has an ancestry made up of humans, so we all possess some elements of dysfunction within our family code…

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Person walking alone on a winding country road at dusk with bare trees around.
Tetelestai Recovery

Confronting Self-Sabotage: Breaking the Cycle

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When we run from our dysfunctions, we are ill-equipped for what is in store for us. We seem to find ourselves facing one crisis after another. Often, we walk right into them as if we planned it that way. Self-sabotage is something we practice on a regular basis but really don’t understand why.

No matter where we go, conflict soon follows. As it turns out, our self-defense techniques are portable. We carry them from one relationship to another; one job to another; one church to another. We are searching for the perfect hideaway. We hope someday our dysfunctions will magically disappear and we will never see them again. But time after time, we are hit head-on with a new threat to our well-being and those same dysfunctions rear their ugly heads again…

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Winding mountain road with cars and sun rays breaking through dark clouds
Tetelestai Recovery

Finding Joy in Trials: Embracing Life’s Challenges

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Winding mountain road with cars and sun rays breaking through dark clouds

When the roads are easy, we feel joy in looking back to see how far we’ve come. When the roads are difficult, we seem to take one step forward, two steps back. Sometimes we slip and fall. Sometimes we just stand still and shrug. Even when we do finally get on firm footing again and start to move forward, we scold ourselves for not being stronger, more resilient, or more determined.

We aren’t sure what to call these moments of uncertainty. The word ‘backsliding’ seems way too judgmental. The last thing we need is to feel more isolated and cut off from God than we already do.

One evening without notice, a moment of grace fell on our Friday night group. One member shared a passage from the book of James. It altered our perspective about these irritating, uninspiring days when we are simply putting one foot in front of the other.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

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Ripe and unripe tomatoes growing on a garden vine tied to a wooden stake.
Tetelestai Recovery

How Babies and Tomatoes Teach Us About Perfection

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People commonly use the word perfect to describe a newborn baby. Babies are inadequate in every way. They are unable to feed themselves, walk, read, or even roll over. Sometimes they cry or make messes. Yet, we say they are perfect. Every stage is perfect and necessary in the process of transitioning to the next stage.

A tiny green tomato on the vine is a perfect tomato, although it does not have the color, flavor, or texture of a fully ripened tomato. The tiny green fruit is perfect, but it is not yet useful for its intended purpose. If it remains on the vine, the perfect green tomato will grow into its full potential. And throughout each stage of its growth, it will continue to be perfect.

Thus, we conclude that perfection is about potential. Perfection has little to do with current behavior or ability, but a lot to do with our mindset. Perfection is a state of being which maintains continuous momentum toward progress…

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A man in simple robes gently comforting a distressed older man on a dirt path with olive trees and stone buildings in the background
Tetelestai Recovery

Embracing Confidence in God’s Perfection

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“Being confident of this very thing, that he, who hath begun a good work in you, will perfect it unto the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

It feels wrong to say we are perfect. We aren’t quite sure how to align the character qualities of honesty and humility with such a bold statement. It seems like both a brag and a lie.

Yet, we believe in a God of faith, who “calls things that are not, as if they are” (Romans 4:17). His words make things happen and His words say we are being made perfect.

Therefore, if we remove the dimension of time, we can most assuredly say that somewhere in time, it has happened. Therefore, we step outside of time and claim it now. We call out what God has promised and continue declaring it until the truth becomes our reality… 

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