Tag: Relationships

Woman yelling angrily at a man while pedestrians walk by on a city street
Tetelestai Recovery

Breaking Free from Toxic Patterns

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Woman yelling angrily at a man while pedestrians walk by on a city street

As God delivered us from our sense of self-obsession and led us to a life of service in His Kingdom, our old methods of self-preservation seemed to stop working. When we disrespected others, we felt disgraced. When we shouted our aggression, we were repulsed by the sound of our own voice. When we played our manipulative mind games, we became sickened by our own maneuvers.

This left us in a peculiar predicament. Our former defense mechanisms and power plays were useless. The methods we had developed and perfected were worthless. There was nothing left of any value in our bag of tricks. The old life and the new life were out of sync. The disharmony in our souls sounded like an elementary school orchestra warming up before a concert. The conflict was deafening, and the sound of chaos nearly drove us mad.

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Tetelestai Recovery

Good Intentions

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We often have the best of intentions to love wholeheartedly and unconditionally. But our plans can quickly get lost in a swirling sea of resentment, when we suspect our kindness has been mistaken for weakness. We recoil whenever we give an inch only to be met with demands for a mile.

When we pull away from relationships because the emotional cost is too great, we feel like a bad person. We want to follow the leadership of Jesus. We want to be the kind of person who turns the other cheek and goes the extra mile. But being that person takes its toll on our sense of well-being. Our trust turns into suspicion. Our self-sacrifice turns into self-defense and self-preservation. We become discouraged and frustrated. Our personal investments don’t always pay off and it seems pointless to throw any more emotional currency toward relationships that are bankrupting us.

With our emotional center depleted, it is easy to just shut down and go dark. For some of us, the darkness is called depression, and we struggle with thoughts of self-harm. For some of us, the darkness is shoved aside with distractions. We bury ourselves in work, entertainment, shopping, or anything else that will keep us from dealing with our unmet emotional needs.

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Tetelestai Recovery

Keeping it Vertical

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We are damaged humans who have been damaged by other humans. Our only hope of recovery is to submit our claims to God and wait for Him to reimburse us for our loss.

We finally understood that when Jesus instructed us to forgive, He was not telling us we had to sustain damage and accept it as okay. He was also not telling us that we didn’t have a valid claim. In fact, He was stating the exact opposite.

The fact that forgiveness was necessary, meant a loss was incurred and damage sustained. He was not denying our claim. He was validating our loss and confirming its legitimacy.

He never suggested we just get over it. He wasn’t instructing us to learn to live with it and then congratulate ourselves on taking the high road.  He instructed us to forgive because he wanted us to access His full coverage comprehensive plan. In other words, Jesus was telling us, “Submit your claim to me, and I will handle all repairs and collections.” He knew that the process was too exhausting and complicated for us to deal with on our own. He also knew that when two humans try to settle, they rarely get it right and they seldom get it done.

Tetelestai Recovery – Our New Normal

Chapter 7 – Keeping it Vertical

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